Why being existential sucks all the time / I'm too cool / That smile / All my friends are leaving

So, first off, I'd highly recommend this song while reading this:

Part 1: About thinking too much

Yeah, so, I don't know if I think too much or not enough. I suck at planning things and decisions, I always have. You'll be able to get a confirmation of this from each and every one of my friends and also my family. The most common thing I'm asked is "Why?". You feel very stupid when someone asks why you fucked up and you cannot explain because you do not really have an answer. For example, if someone were to tell me about a good job opportunity here is what my thought process would look like:

1. Oh wow man, this shit seems like a great opportunity. I feel motivated, excited that I might be making things better
2. I start getting doubts about whether I would be able to succeed in getting the job or not 
3. I think I should redesign my CV, make it better thus increasing my chances
4. I pump myself up telling myself that I can do anything I want and I will kick ass at the interview
5. I then start thinking that I will have to do a lot of work, take off days from my current job, study a bit, get good formal clothes ready, go to the office for interview etc.
6. While I'm doing these things I start thinking whether I should even bother doing so much when I probably will not succeed
7. Then, after thinking and thinking, I start thinking "What is a job anyway, do I really need to climb the career ladder and do all these things? What is the point? Is a career all that is important in my life? Should I really be doing this, will this new job even make a difference?"
8. Now I am at crossroads. Do or do not do. The best thing in such a situation, obviously, is to do nothing at all, thus one cannot regret having made a wrong decision.
9. Oh shit its too late now.

This is how it happens, how my amazing brain works. It is pretty hard to have ambitions or plans when you're second guessing everything all the time. 

Part 2: I'm cooler than you all

Sometimes I have trouble accepting that I'm this cool. Shit, you jiggers are so behind man, if I was room temperature you'd be a solar flare, that is how much more cool I am than you are.

Part 3: That smile

Once, I attended this wedding. One of the girls attending this wedding had rather positive feelings towards me (I didn't mind her too much either). I entered the wedding hall, she looks at me from the other end of the wedding hall and just gives me the best smile ever. That was one of the most amazing feelings ever.

Then things went bad. 

So it goes.

Part 4: Stop moving abroad guys, come on

Over the last year, some of my best friends just left Pakistan. I needed these people man, I still do. And more of my friends are spreading around in different countries.

Brothers, think of this brother too. Handle your shit. Stay with us. It sucks, realizing that I have lesser friends I can meet than an year ago. It also hurts a bit when you take out your cellphone when you're bored thinking of calling up your best mate and then you remember that he's not in Pakistan anymore and thus you can't call him.

I used to be able to call a few people 24/7 and know that they will pick up my call and will also meet me if they could. I cannot make this claim anymore. Not cool.