I don't think anyone actually reads this / If you don't like Afridi then I don't like you / Internet Khandaan / Facebook celebrities / Stop taking pictures of your ****ing food!

I don't think anyone actually reads this  

So, as I've been writing this blog I've discovered something amazing; no one is actually reading this. There are several reasons for this, a little of all of them is leading into the lack of, uh, state of being read of this blog. Here are some of the reasons:

• I'm kind of boring
• I don't really have anything to say
• Too many people I know are too illiterate to read beyond one sentence
• Who would pick my blog over the other, uh, adult entertainment available over the internet?
• The Jews are to be blamed somehow. They usually are.

In the end I'm definitely blaming the Jews. They're trying to keep this man down.

If you don't like Afridi then I don't like you

I don't get people who do not like Afridi. Actually whether I will have a good time with a person or not can be entirely predicted by whether they like Afridi or not. Do you like a wildcard character who doesn't consistently perform but sometimes amazes everyone? How can you not? How can you not like this beautiful man:

Ladies, he will also love your cooking!

Oh you think we should replace him with someone who performs consistently? Maybe we should stop eating outside and instead save money for later? Maybe we should go to sleep early so waking up for office wouldn't be hard? Maybe you're boring and we need to stop meeting

Internet Khandaan

I've found out that my Khandaan, specifically the women, have started using the internet on phones. They regularly have competition on Candy Crush and try to beat each other's times. Plus they also view your 4 year old facebook pictures. Facebook as a spectator sport. This is blowing my mind.

Stop taking pictures of your fucking food!

What is wrong with you, I was at a normal local restaurant and these 2 guys, when they got their food, asked someone else to take a picture of them with the food and posed for it. Plus I get to know what the people on my newsfeed are eating through their important updates everyday.

Why being existential sucks all the time / I'm too cool / That smile / All my friends are leaving

So, first off, I'd highly recommend this song while reading this:

Part 1: About thinking too much

Yeah, so, I don't know if I think too much or not enough. I suck at planning things and decisions, I always have. You'll be able to get a confirmation of this from each and every one of my friends and also my family. The most common thing I'm asked is "Why?". You feel very stupid when someone asks why you fucked up and you cannot explain because you do not really have an answer. For example, if someone were to tell me about a good job opportunity here is what my thought process would look like:

1. Oh wow man, this shit seems like a great opportunity. I feel motivated, excited that I might be making things better
2. I start getting doubts about whether I would be able to succeed in getting the job or not 
3. I think I should redesign my CV, make it better thus increasing my chances
4. I pump myself up telling myself that I can do anything I want and I will kick ass at the interview
5. I then start thinking that I will have to do a lot of work, take off days from my current job, study a bit, get good formal clothes ready, go to the office for interview etc.
6. While I'm doing these things I start thinking whether I should even bother doing so much when I probably will not succeed
7. Then, after thinking and thinking, I start thinking "What is a job anyway, do I really need to climb the career ladder and do all these things? What is the point? Is a career all that is important in my life? Should I really be doing this, will this new job even make a difference?"
8. Now I am at crossroads. Do or do not do. The best thing in such a situation, obviously, is to do nothing at all, thus one cannot regret having made a wrong decision.
9. Oh shit its too late now.

This is how it happens, how my amazing brain works. It is pretty hard to have ambitions or plans when you're second guessing everything all the time. 

Part 2: I'm cooler than you all

Sometimes I have trouble accepting that I'm this cool. Shit, you jiggers are so behind man, if I was room temperature you'd be a solar flare, that is how much more cool I am than you are.

Part 3: That smile

Once, I attended this wedding. One of the girls attending this wedding had rather positive feelings towards me (I didn't mind her too much either). I entered the wedding hall, she looks at me from the other end of the wedding hall and just gives me the best smile ever. That was one of the most amazing feelings ever.

Then things went bad. 

So it goes.

Part 4: Stop moving abroad guys, come on

Over the last year, some of my best friends just left Pakistan. I needed these people man, I still do. And more of my friends are spreading around in different countries.

Brothers, think of this brother too. Handle your shit. Stay with us. It sucks, realizing that I have lesser friends I can meet than an year ago. It also hurts a bit when you take out your cellphone when you're bored thinking of calling up your best mate and then you remember that he's not in Pakistan anymore and thus you can't call him.

I used to be able to call a few people 24/7 and know that they will pick up my call and will also meet me if they could. I cannot make this claim anymore. Not cool. 

Chooran People Part 1

As a society Pakistan is facing a chooran epidemic. In this series of articles I will try to write down some of the symptoms and signs of a person suffering from this state. Chooranpana is an emergent phenomena in our local societies and the best/worst part is that you will find people just as annoying among every demographic. This shows that this epidemic has a dream, and that dream is to spread without worrying about race, language, religion, nationality, gender, sexuality or age. Here are 5 types of behavior:

The Guy Who Wears a Backpack While Standing in a Bus

This is the guy who wears a backpack while standing in a full bus. He realizes that he is either (a) pushing someone behind him or (b) preventing people to come behind them and still thinks this is a good idea.

The Guy Who Stands at the Door of the Bus 

This is the guy who is standing there and he doesn't even have to get off. There's only one exit man, let me leave through it.

The Guy/Girl Who Updates "Had a great time with (taggedperson1) (taggedperson2) at (newfoodplace)" on Facebook every time he/she goes out to eat

Oh wow, a status update on a social network about the people you happened to be with a few hours ago! 

The Guy/Girl Who Comments on Above Status Update and is Tagged in the Status Too

"Buhat mazzzaa aya yaaar"

"Hhehehe"

"chichora comment"

I hate you all

The Guy Who Posts His Own Pictures on Facebook and Tags All His Friends

Wtf man? 

What is your game plan?

What is the end game?

This is also always a guy because girls don't need to do this shit for comments.

Till next time, when I'll be back with more people I hate

Ghauri Missile Out

PS Here's a song for you

Waking up for office everyday

I gotta reach my office at 8am everyday. My dad thought I should just do a night shift wherever I work because he thinks I'm incapable of waking up in the morning everyday, haha. (He sometimes has to wake me up, and realizes how hard that is so I'm not saying he's wrong) however waking up has been becoming more and more... acceptable. I guess its just realizing that this is how things are for everyone else and I'm not a special person who deserves to wake up at 1pm everyday.

However the dream of sleeping late everyday shall be kept alive, and I hope Allah hum sub ko roz late uthne ki taufeeq ata karay. Karte hain kuch campaign shuru takeh humare baad waloun ki zindagi asaan ho.

Also posting the header here purely so my face doesn't get plastered over my facebook wall

P.S. 

I had the idea of adding a song to every update, so here's a song to start things:

Welcome to my blog

I wanted to write some shit so I've started this blog. If you know me then you know why I started this blog i.e. I like to write and want to write. I'm hoping this turns out to be a place where I can write whenever I see something great or think of something. So, right now I'm gonna go sleep. Later, you might find some good shit here. You might even catch some sensitive shit if you catch a brother at the right/wrong time. Shit is about to go down and you don't know what you're going to find on this blog any time it has an update.

I'm also gonna dump whatever good music I listen to right here so if you've ever asked me for song recommendations then you should check those out whenever I happen to upload them. 

So it goes